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 Welcome
to The
Brodick Bar.
Maybe.
 Damaging
Arran's image
since 1997.
The Brodick
Bar, Alma
Road, Brodick,
Arran, is a
pretentious
and
overpriced
"bistro"
in the
village of
Brodick on
the otherwise
lovely island
of Arran. It
is owned and
run by an
odious little
toerag by
the name of
Ian McFadzean.
Mr McFadzean
is the single
most
unpleasant
publican - or
businessman
of any kind -
we have ever
encountered.
In fact he's
right up
there in the
top 10 most
obnoxious
people we've
ever met in
the whole
world, ever.
And we've
been around.
He may think
he is some
kind of big
deal because
he's running
a successful
business.
Let's face
it, you'd
have to be
pretty
"special" NOT
to be able to
run a
successful
bar /
restaurant in Brodick.
Especially if
its already
doing well
when you take
it over from
your father.
There are
plenty of
better places
to eat and
drink on
Arran. Go to
one of them!
The Rules
Let's get
one thing
straight.
This is
McFadzean's
pub and he can
do what he
wants and
serve who he
wants. He has the
right to be
as obnoxious
as he pleases.
If you don't
like it, piss
off. If he
doesn't like
the look of you, you'll
be out on
your ear
before you
can say "pint
of lager
please". In
order to
avoid
embarrassment
and make
things easier
for everyone,
we've
provided a
few simple
guidelines.
Following
these when
planning a
visit to the
Brodick Bar will save
him the
hassle of
chucking you
out on a whim
later. OK?
- No
laughing.
- No
talking in
loud voices.
- No
complaints,
no
questions,
no queries.
- If he
starts
throwing
his
ample weight
around,
don't look
him in the
eye or
stand up
for
yourself.
- Larger
groups will
be
accommodated
because he
wants your
money but
you will be
treated
like you
are a major
inconvenience.
- No
single -
sex groups
of more
than four.
They
intimidate
him.
-
Preference
at the bar
will be
given to
aggressive
and surly
locals.
- No
hanging
about. When
you're
finished
your meal,
pay your
bill and beat it.
Only
business.
Nothing
personal.
Mr
McFadzean
is a
bully
and,
like all
bullies,
is a
coward.
No
matter
how much
of an
arrogant
shitbag
he may
have
been to
you,
remember
that
this was
in his
own
little
fiefdom
with his
staff
around
him. If
he sees
you in
the
street
he will
keep his
head
down and
keep out
of your
way.
Please
don't
tell him
what you
think of
him, or
punch
him in
the
piggy
little face
(or,
like one
chap we
heard
about,
hit him
with a
spade),
however
much you
think he
deserves
it. It
wouldn't
be fair.
Hit him
where it
hurts.
The
wallet.
Go
somewhere
else. |
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